The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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