just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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