I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
