My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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