i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
