If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
