this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
