Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
