I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
