What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
