he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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