I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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