I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
