You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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