Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
this beer tastes like vomit already
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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