this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
