omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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