put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
