we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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