All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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