So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
