Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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