Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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