believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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