Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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