i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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