You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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