I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
why is half of my head shaved?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
