I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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