its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
