I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
