your parents love me but you hate me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
