So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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