i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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