Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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