Dual....:-)
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize