soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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