hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
