Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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