considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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