i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
