saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
not ubering you a puppy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
