Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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