Tell her she can't have a vagina
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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