Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
