We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
