planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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