Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
