this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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