Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize