Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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