you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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