A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
