I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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