Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
