They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
