mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize