Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
