Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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