just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
