True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we're making bets on your personal life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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