I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am naked and annoyed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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