haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
