My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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