a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
