I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
