I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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