I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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