exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
